i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize