Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
