I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize