Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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