I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
