two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
