i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
