He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ass is underappreciated
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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