You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
