How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
