There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
