My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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