Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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