i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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