it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
