I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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