If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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