I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
