Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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