some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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