Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
