Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We need to rekindle our bromance
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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