We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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