it hurts more in the daytime
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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