his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
