Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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