so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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