Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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