I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
