3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
