I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
