Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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