Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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