3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
