Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
