I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
