Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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