One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize