the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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