I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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