Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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