And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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