I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
