the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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