i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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