I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
