Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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