Do you still have your period?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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