I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
