Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
