No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
