I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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