took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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