Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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