why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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