If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
