he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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