Its about making memories worth repressing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
