Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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