Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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