I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
