White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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