You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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