I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
