i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
