I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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