I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
